Adapting to Life's Unexpected Changes

Life is a messy, beautiful tangle of relationships, challenges, and growth. People fascinate me. What motivates them, what breaks them, and what makes them rise again is endlessly compelling to me. That’s why I write books about ordinary humans (joking, there’s no such thing) and how they attach and detach, how they navigate life amid the piles of laundry, bills, tears, and dog poop... and, of course, how they triumph! Today, I want to share some thoughts on adapting to life’s unexpected changes and how we can cope with them in ways that help us grow stronger and more resilient. And why we're drawn to those kinds of characters!

Understanding the Nature of Change

Change is inevitable. It can sneak up on us, sometimes gently, sometimes like a tidal wave. Whether it’s a shift in job security, a health crisis, or a sudden loss, change disrupts our sense of normal. But it also offers a chance to learn, to grow, and to redefine who we are.

I happen to like characters who are flawed, unassuming people who somehow manage these same kinds of challenges in their lives well enough to still live heroically. You'll see that in the extraordinarily defiant woman who chooses her baby’s life over her own because of an unyielding faith in her mentally ill husband (Dancing on Broken Glass). Or the young girl who reluctantly finds a way to communicate with her severely brain-damaged mother and learns the heartbreaking price paid for her own life (The Duzy House of Mourning). And the severely obsessive man who can't really tolerate others in his space, but somehow finds compassion (and other feelings) for a girl who has lost the will to live. (Ivy in Stills) These imperfect characters reveal the depths of their humanity as they wade through circumstances outside of their control. As readers, we tend to cheer for those kinds of characters!

Coping with Life Changes: Strategies That Work

I spent my career working in mental health. One of my favorite psychiatrists, Dr. Lazar, told us once that the healthiest people experience their emotions fully, and move on. Meaning, acknowledge the mood you're in: sadness, annoyance, depressed feelings, hurt, and then live in it for a time. Be curious about why you feel that way and deal with it. Sometimes you need to eat. Sometimes you need to move your body. Sometimes you need a nap. Sometimes you need to talk about it. And sometimes, you need time. Grief, for example needs time. Sometimes you need something more professional. Coping with life changes is not about pretending everything is fine. It’s about finding ways to live with uncertainty and discomfort while still moving forward. Here are some strategies that might help:

1. Accept the reality of change. This is hard, but denial only prolongs pain. Pretending is never the answer. Accepting what is happening allows you to focus on what you can control.

2. Utilize your support system. Family, friends, clergy, therapists, or support groups can provide comfort and perspective.

3. Create routines, or begin new ones. When everything feels chaotic, routines can offer a sense of stability and normalcy.

4. Practice self-compassion. Be good to yourself. You are doing the best you can. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Say kind things to yourself.

5. Set small, achievable goals. This helps build momentum and a sense of accomplishment.

6. Find creative outlets. Writing, art, or hobbies can be therapeutic and grounding.

   
   

Finding Meaning in the Chaos

Life’s unexpected changes can feel like chaos. But within that chaos, there is often meaning waiting to be uncovered. Finding meaning doesn’t mean everything makes sense immediately. It means you create a narrative that helps you make sense of your experience. One of the first things patients are asked to do is journal, create a narrative of what they are experiencing.

For me, writing is a way to find meaning. Through stories, I explore the messy, complicated truths of human life. I find my best inspiration by watching what's happening around me. I honestly believe that when we stop talking and just listen we learn so much about the world around us.

Tips for finding meaning:

• Talk with others who have faced challenges.

• Read. Read. Read. Write. Write. Write.

• Practice mindfulness or meditation to connect with the present moment.

• Serve Others. Don't judge.

• Journal your thoughts and feelings.

  
  

Moving Forward with Courage and Compassion

Life is a journey, not a destination. Adapting to the unexpected requires a bit of courage. Whether you are navigating complicated family dynamics, personal loss, or some other kind of upheaval, remember your resources. Remember your tribe--friends, family, people you know who know people. You are not alone!

Your story is unique and valuable. You have the strength to live heroically "amid the piles of laundry, bills, tears, and dog poop". And in doing so, you inspire others to do the same.

If you want to explore more stories about the complexities of the human experience, I invite you to visit my books page where you can find tales of love, loss, and resilience that might just speak to your own journey.

Thank you for spending this time with me. May you find peace in the process of change and joy in the unexpected moments that shape your own amazing life.

With Love

Ka Hancock